I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
