Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize