Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize