my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
