I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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