K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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