So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
