I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
