he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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