I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Vodka?
Forever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
