i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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