It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
