I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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