this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I fill condoms, not promises.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
