At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize