paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
