I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
