i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
