Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
