Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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