Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
