You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
