I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
