The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
