Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's get the cat blown out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize