I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
