when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize