Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
