Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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