Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
