Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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