They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
