There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
