She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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