You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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