What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
