Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize