I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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