You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
