glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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