booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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