No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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