I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
