i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your penis caused this!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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