forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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