he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
