Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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