well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
