My hand turned me down
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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