You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
not ubering you a puppy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
