I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
