I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
