last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
