I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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