Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
