It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Someone signed my nipple.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
