i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm really busy with my period
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
