you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
