We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
