Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am naked and annoyed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
