She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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