FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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