Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
