I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
