i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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