Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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