i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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