her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
