I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
