Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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