I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
