bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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