AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's blow job season.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
