You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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