the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
