And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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