I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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